OK, you be the judge. I never really thought much about how the unconscious or subconscious portion of your brain interacts with your conscious behavior. I guess I assumed there was a link somewhere but again, I never really thought much about it. Well, consider this;
This past summer I had the opportunity to tour the Kennedy Space Center and watch the liftoff of the Shuttle Endeavor. It was a very emotional day for me - firstly, I have always wanted to see the live launch of the Shuttle and it was so nice to be able to actually do one of those things on the list of stuff you want to do before your time is up. Secondly, the tour and exhibits at the Space Center museums brought me back to my childhood when I just about worshipped the astronauts. I knew all their names, their missions - the whole works. I always said that I wanted to be a test pilot so I could become an astronaut. Also, in the exhibit photos of all the initial launches and control rooms, there were pictures of all the engineers. All these engineers looked so much like my father when I was a kid that it just blew me away- the black glasses, the mechanical pencil in the pocket, the slide rule, the bow tie... So really, it was a great day for me.
When I returned to the office, my boss had shaved his beard after years (18 that I know of) of wearing it. While talking with him I told him that I had been considering getting a really short haircut for a while and he said " well, nothing the matter with a little change". I agreed and since I was going away for a week's vacation in Maine the next day, I went out to my stylist and had my hair cut within an inch of it's life. The cut was what we used to call a "crew cut" - the style that is currently favored by police officers, military guys etc. It took a little bit of time to get used to but it was great to go in the ocean or the shower and towel dry my hair and be done with it. I also was reminded, in the mirror, of the kid who wore that haircut for the first fourteen years of his life. I felt like I had come a long way. After wearing my hair long (ish) for years I was oddly comfortable with it.
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm back in the office again and I'm reviewing some materials I got at my Florida conference (where I saw the shuttle). Out of a notebook, an 8 x 10 glossy photo fell to the floor. I had picked it up at the Space Center- a black and white photo of Alan Shepard, the first American in space. He was talking to some people after his historical first sub-orbital flight. I had to laugh- there was Alan Shepard with my new haircut. The same haircut worn by all the Mercury astronauts...
So I wonder- If I said to myself "I want to get an Astronaut Haircut" I would have censored the thought immediately and made sure I mentioned it to no one. After all, I'm a responsible adult - Dr. Welts - not some kid dreaming of becoming an astronaut and mimicking everything about them. But maybe that kid is still there - maybe I just forget about him...maybe he never gave up the astronaut wish...
So what do you think - did my unconscious mind take responsibility for communicating from that deep part of me and then disguise the real desire so I could give myself an astronaut haircut?? Or is this a bunch of silly coincidences and the expression of someone who has too much time on his hands ?? I'd love your opinion..
3 comments:
It may also be that your life was simpler when you were 14 and that you wanted to return, not consciously, to that time when your father told you that your ***** (manhood) were not on your head and you WOULD get a haircut. It sounds like you are missing that father.
I don't know. Having short hair isn't as much of a big deal as it was once, I think. When I went short for the bank, it was kind of "ok, so what", and I used to love having my hair long. I watch my oldest doing the hair experiments. He goes to the same barber I do, but he goes on his own mostly. I can still express myself with hair, as it is constantly growing.
By the way, you look good with it.
Nice writing... I came in your blog through a search about Dreamaway Lodge.
On the haircut... yeah, You probably got so saturated in Fla. that when you came back, it was kind of sitting in the back of your mind. You reconnected with that part of your world that had been lost for sometime.
I can see the little wheels in your head working... "dammit, if I can't BE an astronaut at least I can look like one!"... all unapparent to your conscious mind, until the photo appeared.
But that's the fun of life. You never know what's running through the tall grass until it gets to ya.
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